Masturbation
Masturbation is a natural and healthy
method of sexual release engaged in by most people
of both sexes. It is also a good way of learning one's
own sexual response. Women who can bring
themselves to orgasm by masturbating are more likely
to have orgasms with their partners, and men who
can masturbate for 15-20 minutes without ejaculating
are less likely to suffer from problems of premature
ejaculation during intercourse. Stimulating your
partner's genitals is also called masturbation, and is
an important part of lovemaking.
The external
female genitals
are called the vulva. Pubic hair
grows on the labia major, and
inside these outer vaginal lips
are the labia minor, which are
pinker and moister. If the sight of
your own genitals is not familiar
to you, examine them in a hand
mirror while you relax after a bath or shower. The
clitoris is situated where the labia minor join at the top.
It is a pink knob about the size of a dried pea, and is
highly sensitive. The clitoris is protected by a hood,
which retracts during sexual arousal. Below the clitoris
is the tiny opening of the urethra, through which urine
passes, and below that is the opening to the vagina.
When you start to
masturbate, make sure you have plenty
of time during which you won't be interrupted. Go
somewhere where it is quiet, completely private, and
warm. Some women like to lie on their back, some on
their front; some like their legs pressed tightly
together, others like them spread wide apart, or
propped up above the body. Use a lubricant and
stroke yourself gently, with your fingers or an object
such as a vibrator, varying your movements from time
to time to find out where and how you like to be
stimulated.
Many women
find the clitoris too sensitive for
direct stimulation, so you could begin
by rubbing the whole vulva,
then gradually move inside
with delicate fingers. Allow
yourself to fantasize to increase arousal. Be patient,
but if the pleasure wears off without you having had
an orgasm then you should stop. Don't be
disappointed with yourself, as it may take several
sessions before you can relax enough to really let go.
When you feel a gathering tension in
the vaginal area and a build-up of warmth, orgasm is
on the way. Continue to stimulate yourself, as if you
stop, these sensations will fade and it may be difficult
to get them back again. The clitoris becomes
increasingly sensitive as you proceed, whether you
are stimulating it directly or not, and then orgasm
breaks out with waves of vaginal contractions. Most
women like some form of genital contact during
orgasm: either continued stimulation or pressing or
holding the vaginal area. Some like to insert a finger
into the vagina as they come.
Most men are expert at giving
themselves pleasure, but there's no harm in extra
practice. A good way of finding out exactly how your
genitals respond to stimulation is by soaping and
gentle massage in the bath, allowing yourself to fantasize
as you do so. Some men enjoy fondling their testicles,
and some enjoy penetrating the anus with a finger.
There are many different strokes you can use on the
penis. If you are uncircumcised, you can draw the
foreskin over the head of the penis and then pull it
back down the shaft to get an erection; if you are
circumcised, repeated squeezing round the shaft and
letting go is usually effective. Then you can let your
hand glide up and down the shaft in long slow
movements, gradually building up speed and
pressure. You may enjoy rubbing or tickling the glans
of the penis, though for some men this is too
sensitive. You may like gentle or firm pulling, stroking,
squeezing and stretching. Try holding off ejaculation
by varying the stroke when you become too excited,
before finally letting go in orgasm.
Masturbation need not be something
that you do only when you are alone. Many people
find the sight of their partner masturbating highly
erotic. It can also be very instructive to discover how
your partner reaches orgasm alone, as this will be the
best method for you to adopt when you are
masturbating him or her. Masturbating with your
partner will break down inhibitions and allow you to
get even closer.
Masturbating your partner
in the way he or she enjoys is an important part of
lovemaking, and many women like being masturbated
to orgasm before penetration. Both men and women
need to learn how to handle each other's genitals with
tenderness and sensitivity.