Oral sex
Oral sex begins with the first deep kiss, and
continues with kisses all over the body,
concentrating finally on the genitals. On the part
of the giver it requires a degree of emotional
involvement, because it must be done with
patience, tenderness, sensitivity and mounting
but controlled excitement if it is to be really good.
Lovers who give oral sex reluctantly and without
generosity or enjoyment make their partners feel
guilty and selfish, and too tense and worried to
relax and take pleasure themselves.
From the receiver, oral sex requires
trust, and the confidence that comes with being
made to feel desirable. In sex, as in other areas
of life, it is often more difficult to receive
generosity than to give it, but the person who
succumbs completely to pleasure delivers himself
or herself over to the lover, and this also gives a
sense of wonderment. It goes without saying that
sexual hygiene is of prime importance for anyone
who engages in oral sex.
Oral sex for women is called
cunnilingus. For many women, cunnilingus is
the most exciting of all the variations of sex, and
a gentle and skilful lover should be able to make
his partner come with his tongue more easily
than in any other way. A strong slippery tongue
can be used with precision on the clitoris without
danger of causing any pain, unlike a finger.
Begin by kissing your partner's face and
mouth, and then gradually work your way down
her body, kissing and stroking her breasts, belly
and inner thighs. Flick your tongue in light
feathery kisses along the fleshy folds of the outer
labia, smoothing away the pubic hair and then
parting the labia gently with your fingers. Move
very gradually inwards with your tongue. Vary
your movements according to your partner's
response. Try nuzzling, burrowing, thrusting with
your tongue into her vagina, sucking, long
delicate licks, short rapid flicking licks. She may
not like her clitoris to be stimulated directly at
first, so proceed tentatively until she is fully
aroused.
Once she can trust YOU and feel
confident that you like what you are doing, she
will be able fully to let go in orgasm. Being 'on the
spot', a man can get a special thrill from
experiencing so directly the blissful effect he has
on his partner, as well as from her vulnerability
and trust.
Oral sex for men is called fellatio. The
experience of having their penis sucked, licked
and kissed is one that most men find intensely
exciting. In some cases, there may be
psychological barriers to overcome. Some men
fear being bitten during oral sex. The woman
should open her mouth as wide as possible, and
close her lips, but not her teeth, over the penis.
Using all the muscles in the lips and tongue will
mean that the teeth should not come into contact
with the penis at all.
Some women are worried that they may
be choked during fellatio. The way to allay this
fear is to remain in control: you are the one who
should move while your partner lies still, so there
is no possibility of his thrusting deep into your
throat and making you gag. Some women find
the idea of swallowing semen repugnant. Of
course there is no need for you to do this if you
do not wish to, but many women do enjoy having
their partner ejaculate into their mouth.
Work your way down your partner's body,
beginning with kissing his face and mouth and
progressing to his genitals. Be very gentle, as
they are highly sensitive to pain. There are many
ways of stimulating the penis with your lips and
tongue. You can lick all along the shaft with a
delicate tongue, then use more pressure and
press your open lips as well as your tongue
against it as you rub them up and down towards
the head. You can lick and kiss the frenulum - the
sensitive place where the glans joins the shaft on
the underside, which will be facing towards you if
the man is lying on his back with an erection. You
can take the head of the penis in your mouth and
suck it, tickling it at the same time with your
tongue, and you can move your lips as far down
the shaft as is comfortable. Then move up and
down, sucking and pressing with your lips and
tongue.
The '69' position is so called because the
figures resemble a couple giving each other oral
sex. While many couples find this a good way of
arousing each other, others find it difficult to
concentrate on giving and receiving such intense
pleasure at the same time. If you are about to
come in this position, it is best to break off from
pleasuring your partner to avoid inadvertently
biting him or her. Use your fingers to indicate to
your partner what is happening and let yourself
go in orgasm.